O is for Obtuse, Otto, and Oblivious
by I'mTheGirlWhoLearnedToFly
Summary: It's Laura's birthday, and Otto can't figure out what to give her. Fortunately, Shelby's there to help. UNFORTUNATELY, Otto, being Otto *cough* and a boy *cough* is very likely going to ruin it in his general Obliviously Obtuse manner. Ottra. One shot.


**Future fic. Mostly Shelby's POV, except for that short para in between.**

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><p>"Shelby..." Otto had been hovering around my kitchen like this since <em>ages<em>.

I finally lost it. "Malpense, if you have something to say to me, then say it, already! You haven't got further than 'Shelby, I want to ask you something...' in the last half hour!"

"Well," Otto pointed out, "technically, since I've been here only twenty minutes, there's actually no way..." he trailed off when he noticed the look I was giving him.

Wise decision.

"Well, get on with it, then. What's it that you want to ask?"

He looked like he had to swallow something extremely bitter. I found it extremely funny.

"I wanted to-to ask you-for-for some-_advice_," he managed to choke out, as if he couldn't believe what he was saying. To be fair, for a moment I didn't believe what I was _hearing_.

"You? _You?_ Ask _me_ for _advice_?" I burst into peals of laughter, "Can you say that again so I can record it for all eternity?"

He looked like he wanted to die. "I wanted to ask you what I should get Laura for her birthday."

And just like that, I shut up immediately. I'd milk this later when my best friend's mental well being and happiness wasn't dependent on me getting through her obliviously obtuse boyfriend.

"How about," I suggested innocently, "some nice _jewellery_." Laura had been waiting for him to pop the question for quite some time now, only Otto, being Otto (and a boy), had not quite grasped the signs...

If Laura left proposing to him, they'd have grandchildren (and those grandchildren would have grandchildren) before the thought struck Otto.

But Laura was too shy to say anything, of course.

So I guess I would have to give him a _subtle_ nudge in the right direction.

"Jewellery? She'd like that?"

"Yes, I'm sure she'd love that," I beamed, whispering under my breath, "Buy her a ring buy her a ring you moron buy her a ring..."

"What's that? Did you say something, Shel?"

"Nothing! Nothing at all. Maybe it was your sub conscience you heard." I beamed some more. Okay, so maybe 'Subtlety' and 'Shelby' were like 'Peanut Butter' and 'Banana'. Sue me.

Otto looked uncertain. "If you say so..."

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><p>Otto browsed the different displays in the jewellery store. Personally, he didn't really know what he was doing, but if Shelby was certain, then he supposed it was a good idea. He knew about the working of the human heart, he could draw a complete scientific diagram and was on his way to making a revolutionary discovery related to heart attacks, but when it came to actual <em>emotions<em>...

Unfortunately, organic super computers did not come with instructions and protocols involving _those_ matters of the heart.

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><p>Laura's birthday. She had convinced me to drop the birthday decorations and balloons in favour of a very large chocolate cake. Streamers are fun, but I'm such a sucker for chocolate.<p>

Now, everyone had left and it was only Wing, Otto, Laura and I sitting around the dinner table. I was lost in my own thoughts, trying to figure out how to get a maximum response out of Wing upon blowing a large party horn next to his ear, when Otto took out a small, velvet covered box.

I caught my breath, and visualized what was going to happen next. He would go down on his knees, hold my friend's hand in his, and deliver a long (but not too long), passionate, ringing speech, declaring how he loved her, and would always love her till the end of time...

He cleared his throat, "Um, happy birthday Laura."

Ok. I'm not going to pretend that I didn't see that coming.

"Oh, _Otto_," Laura cried, her eyes tearing up. Mentally, I cursed Otto. He should have waited till they were alone; didn't he know that 8 out of 10 women, according to most leading magazines, preferred a simple, intimate proposal?

Well, he _should_.

He opened the box and thrust it in Laura's direction. He should have gotten down on his knees. Now, if only Wing took Otto's lead and sprung a beautiful surprise like this on my birthday...or any other day...

Lost in my daydream, I barely heard Laura say, "Oh...Otto...that's very, um...nice..."

Wing leaned forward to look at the contents of the box. "That is a very nice pair of earrings."

The happy images shattered. I was jolted out of my dream world. The romantic music playing in the background in my head came to an abrupt, screeching halt.

I leaned over to see this-this-this _atrocity_ with my own eyes.

Earrings.

That _idiot_, that complete _moron_, that _ass_, got her _earrings_.

"Otto," I said, my voice sounding unnaturally high, "Laura doesn't even _freaking have her ears pierced."_

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><p><strong>Boys. *insert eye roll*<strong>

**Happy birthday, Laura, although we don't know when your birthday is. Happy birthday to Remus Lupin (RIP). Osama was born today, too, but I really don't feel like wishing him a 'happy birthday'. Can you believe I share my birthday with Lupin and Osama? And happy birthday to anyone else whose birthday might be today! You're making the world an awesome-er place, unless you're Osama.**

**Cheers!  
>~Fly~<strong>


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